Unwanted Advances Putting Rift in Friendship
Dr. A,
My best friend's husband has been hitting on me. I decided to ignore it for the sake of our friendship, but he is becoming more and more assertive. I have not visited my friend in several months because of this and she doesn't understand why I do not visit. Do I break my best friend's heart and tell her about her husband or grin and bear his advances for the sake of our friendship?
This is an extremely delicate situation which is more common than you think due to the friendships involved. People of both genders naturally believe that they can be flirtatious with others due to the familiarity factor which is taking advantage of any friendship. It has put you in a no win dilemma because exposure of your friend's husband's unwanted advances will make her feel betrayed by both you and him, not to mention your husband's possible assumptions. However, you must be proactive in putting a stop to this man's disrespectful and insulting behavior which is also an emotional betrayal of his wife and indirectly toward your husband.
The best approach might be to simply be with your friend the entire time you are visiting at her home so there is not an opportunity for him to be assertive toward you. Even at a neighborhood party, you should make an effort to be in close proximity to your husband, a friend, or some other neighbor when in conversation with this man. Never be separate from others in any social event where he is in attendance as he could easily be verbally assertive without anyone else noticing. Over time, he might chastise you for being rude or indifferent toward him because you do not respond as he would like. This is exactly the message you need to send which is the one he deserves.
